“A Hair for an Eye and a Lot of Change”

Our apartment is on the Left Bank side of le Pont d ‘ Alma in Paris’ 7th arrondissement.

(up until a few minutes ago, I thought ‘Alma’ meant ‘soul’………..

SOULLLLLL Bridge –

I FEEL GOOD!
dah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-NAHH!….

…well, it doesn’t
It must be a name but I swear I thought it meant ‘soul’. I think it means ‘soul’ in Spanish…
Can someone in el mundo español help me out?)

Actually, the bridge is NOW famous because Princess Diana was killed in the tunnel benneath it.

Anyway, I’m off subject…

On the RIGHT bank side (8th arrondissement and where the tunnel is) you will find a lively little round-about where three main avenues converge; one is avenue George V. George V is home to many of the big design (clothing) houses and even if you are not into it, window shopping is very interesting.

Most of the windows are well-designed, very chic and quite intriguing, however, one ( a well-known design house) I witnessed recently featured a mannequin wearing a slinky polyester halter top and faded jeans with butt marks like the wearer had been sitting in the Mojave Desert since the late Sixties ($1,000 US for the ensemble). I wondered if that drunk chic I met on the beach at Sebastian Inlet back in 1973 had somehow struck it rich as a clothing designer in Paris…

I only notice hair salons when I need a haircut. I needed a haircut bad. A salon on George V advertised a special of 50 Euros ($45 US) [2007 currency exchange note: Not any MORE! ] for a men’s shampoo & cut. I am picky about where I get my haircut – in the last seventeen years, I have gone to two places (with the occasional desperate exception). One is being copied in this email – Splash Salon in Evansville – they’re GREAT!.

OK, that’s double to what I’m used to paying – but knowing the French, that is before VAT (or ‘TVA’ value added tax – anywhere from 5 – 20 %); the Champagne they serve you (you think it’s compted) turns out to be $25 a glass and the guy sweeping your hair off the floor probably gets a big chunk too. So, you are probably laying down some big Euros when you leave…

But I started thinking – if they are on George V, they gotta be good and it will probably be a great experience, maybe I ought to check it out…

Vicky & I always talk about how hard it is to find a BAD meal in Paris. Remember the clinic I told you about in the working class end of the 20th? A place where I normally would NOT consider eating in… Well, we had a wonderful (pre-exam) lunch there in a small bistro with great service – in the middle of NOWHERE!

Bad meals? Hard to find. Bad haircuts? I found one! I chickened out on George V and probably more out of necessity – opted for a $20 haircut a few weeks later in my neighborhood. My French lasted pretty well until I got ready to leave and a major downpour was threatening to wash out the entire block; I asked where my umbrella was when she brought out my coat; she asked what color it was and I told her it was black; she went digging for it “No! No! I’m just kidding” and with humor poorly translated, she looked at me like, WHY would he give up his parapluie so easily? (oh yeah, Jan – she didn’t even trim my eyebrows!!)

Speaking of haircuts, Stinky needed one badly.

Poor guy, blind and old, he’s endured so much with the move and had to totally re-learn his environment several times. What’s worse, he has had to deal with bumping into un-hung paintings and always gives me the “look” of “why are you making my life so difficult?”

Several weeks ago, I asked the gardienne in our building, “Il y a une coiffure pour les chiens pres d’ ici?” She told me of a place nearby and I misunderstood the name of the street. I finally looked ‘dog groomer’ up in the dictionary:

TOILETTAGE.

Can you imagine being French and vacationing in the United States when someone asks what you do for a living?

I’m a toiletteteur.

I searched this word on the computer and came up with an address several blocks from here. I called and made an appointment – one week later (quicker than I could ever find in Evansville!)

In the meantime, Stinky got stinkier. I give him regular baths but he started growing little wild hairs all over his face and looking pretty wild. The French love to point and stare and we were often targets despite my return what-the-fuck-are-you-staring-at-asshole looks. The French don’t get it. Or they don’t care. My mother would slap me for staring like they do. But I finally realized that Stinky was the worst looking of the two of us. Time to get a haircut, Buddy…

He was so bad that I actually gave him a bath the day of his hair appointment – he was that bad! The weather is warming up and he is beginning to shed so major gobs of hair were coming off. The dirt on his legs never seemed to stop coming…

I double parked with flashing lights on (like a good Parisian driver).

I walked in to the ‘salon’ with Stinky and we were immediately greeted by barks from two little twin bulldogs. There were Yorky’s and all sorts of little ‘French doggies’ that were totally buffed – looking up at these two American slobs who just walked in…

These dogs looked incredible. Totally buffed and content – in “le Salon”. I laughed at the sight and probably pissed off the owner who wondered WHERE my amusement came from….

I warned the owner that Stinky was blind and told him that his name was Buffy (I pronounced it Boofie, for the benefit of the language change.) I took off to run errands, totallly unaware of what I was going to run into later…

When I returned three-and-a-half hours later, I should have known the tell-tale signs: Jaguars and BMW’s pulled up with their flashing lights on. I walked in and was greeted by just about every fi-fi type of dog you can imagine; some were totally cute; some were totally repulsive and should have been classified as cats…

Stinky smelled me (his hearing is going too) and started wagging his tail.

” Bon sois, Monsieur,” the owner greeted me, “soisante-douze euros s’il vous pl‚it.”

72 Euros? ($ 65 US) [ $97 US in 2007! ] Ouch!

Stinky, ‘ol Buddy, you just took MY fantasy haircut. You the man. This month, anyway…

Stinky look humiliated. WHY did you do this to me?

I may do George V one day but not anytime soon…

take a look below…